Random Thoughts
Happy St. Patrick's Day Bitches!
Nothing beats doing the old paper route on St. Patrick's Day. If you see the Astro pull up to your bar don't be afraid to buy me a drink and a tshirt...
Barstool Sports Local Smokeshow of the Day (Maria)
Introducing Maria from Northeastern. A spectacular way to start my favorite week of the year. Sure Northeastern may not be in the tournament but this is almost as impressive.
Do you know any smokeshows? Stop being selfish and send them our way. Include their full name so we can ask their permission on facebook. And no we don’t tell them who submitted them. Send all nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com
Brooke Hogan Pole Dances With Her Father, The Hulkster, In the Crowd!
Well first of all how does she not dance to "Real American" here, that's what the crowd came to see. As Gorilla Monsoon would say, "Pandemonium!" would've erupted at the Miami Calle Ocho festival this weekend. Still, it was a great performance on the pole. She did a couple of "high-risk manuevers". Her dad (still on crutches) was even there to see it. Like I said, it's just too bad she chose the wrong song. If "Real American" was playing on the loud speakers, the dance floor would've been covered in dollar bills.
NFL.com: Julius Peppers is On His Way to the Pats
Vic Carrucci on NFL.com -The trade that sent Matt Cassel and Mike Vrabel to the Kansas City Chiefs appears to be only the first phase of some major wheeling and dealing by the New England Patriots this offseason. The second phase, NFL sources say, is likely to involve a trade that would send Carolina Panthers defensive end Julius Peppers to the Patriots in exchange for the second-round pick (34th overall) they received from the Chiefs on Feb. 28. According to league sources, the Patriots and Panthers are hoping to complete the deal at some point between the March 22-25 NFL owners meetings and the start of the draft on April 25. Peppers... would be converted to outside linebacker in New England's 3-4 defense. The Patriots already were looking ahead to the possibility of acquiring Peppers when they shipped Cassel and Vrabel to Kansas City, NFL sources say, because they wanted to clear the salary-cap space necessary to sign Peppers to a new contract that would put him among the higher-paid defensive players in the league.
NFL sources say the Panthers would welcome the chance to unload Peppers for a second-round draft pick, even though it would be well below his market value, because it would be less costly than signing a first-rounder... This, in part, could help answer the lingering question of why the Patriots were willing to take only a second-round pick for Cassel and Vrabel rather than possibly go for a higher choice as part of a three-way deal involving the Denver Broncos, who were ready to give up Jay Cutler for Cassel... Also, according to NFL sources, there is a third phase to the Patriots' offseason strategy. They would like to further beef up their linebacking corps by adding an inside linebacker in the draft...
Sorry if it took me a few minutes to post this story, but I needed time for my erection to go down before I could form a coherent thought. So finally Belichick's master plan on the Cassel trade is revealed. They didn't need to play hardball with Denver and Tampa Bay and hold out for a 1st round pick because the plan all alone was to move Cassel for Peppers. Why play games holding out for a slightly higher pick when they knew that Carolina would settle for the 34th?
So now we're a couple of weeks, a few days of numbers crunching and a signed contract away from adding quite possibly the best outside pass rusher of his generation to a front seven that already includes Richard Seymour, Vince Wilfork, Ty Warren, Adalius Thomas and Jerod Mayo. And we'll still end up with 4 picks in the first 89 spots of the draft and probably a bunch of cap space to add to the mix.
I know I said the Pats would get 2 1st rounders for Cassel, and obviously they didn't. But I'll take adding a premiere, established, blue chip veteran in his prime any day. I'd write about this more in depth, but I'm getting lightheaded from all the blood rushing back into my groin. In the meantime somebody please cue the duckboats and the music!
Danvers Man Busted Trying To Sneak out of Golfers Warehouse With Ping Irons Shoved Down His Pants
NATICK - A Danvers man's plan to sneak out of a Speen Street store with four golf clubs shoved down his pants did not work out as planned, police said. His stiff-legged and noisy gait drew the attention of a clerk who called police. Peter A. Reidy, 39, was arrested at 11:52 a.m. after he tried to steal four Ping golf clubs valued at $360 from the Golfers' Warehouse, police spokesman Lt. Brian Grassey said. Reidy was leaving the store when the clerk saw him walk by and noticed one of his legs appeared stiffer than the other.`Apparently our witness heard some clacking noises and saw (Reidy) walking by with golf clubs sticking out of one of his legs,'' Grassey said. There was another man in the store investigators think may have been working with Reidy, Grassey said.
At first when I heard about this story I was like whatever. I mean not a bad bid by this guy to try and get some free Ping Irons. But then I saw that it was supposedly a two man job? Are you shitting me? How can you not come up with a better plan than this? Whatever happened to having one guy screaming “fire, fire, fire” in the corner and then when everybody looks the other guy bolts. That’s a million times better than sticking the clubs down you pants and it only took me 3 seconds to come up with my plan. So either I’m a criminal mastermind or these guys are idiots. Probably a little of both I guess.
LA Times Columnist TJ Simmers Is A Delusional Fuck
LATIMES - I have a problem with crazy people. I begin with the bitter no-lifers who call Boston home. When Manny Ramirez reported for Dodgers duty he tried to explain to us why he was so happy to be out of there. He said he was "suffocating" in Boston, the city and everyone in it relentless in their over-the-top devotion to things that really don't matter. And just imagine living in a place where everyone talks funny and all they want to do is talk, talk, talk about what they think. Around L.A. we didn't much care what happened in Boston, but while Manny began to fit in here, the bitter no-lifers back there handled the divorce the way they do most everything else. They obsessed. And they continue to obsess. No one in Boston can seemingly move on without mentioning him. It's as if they live their miserable lives tortured, hoping for the very worst for Manny so they can feel better about themselves. And they can't wait to rub the noses of everyone in L.A. into Manny's mess.
Ok I’m going to give TJ Simmers the benefit of the doubt here and assume that he has been in a coma for the past decade and just woke up like 2 days ago. That would explain the Rams shirt at least. I mean how else can you say Boston fans are miserable and bitter? Is this 1991 or something? Seriously this is like the exact opposite of the past 7,000 articles that people have written about us saying we are too cocky, arrogant and dominant. Seriously wake up dude! We’re not miserable at all. We’ve fucking ruled the world for the past decade. Everything we touch turns to gold. We piss excellence. I got so many rings this century that I wear one on my cock just because I can. So spare me the "we need to root against guys to feel better about ourselves routine." Bottom line is Manny is an asshole. That’s why we root against him. It’s no different then if you were married to a hot chick for a decade and then she cheated on you and stole half your money. You’d want to see her life fall apart after the divorce. Same goes here. It’s only natural. Now if you want to say we’re crazy because we care about our sports teams then guilty as charged. But take a long look in the mirror before you start pointing the finger when you live in a place where people care more about what Paris Hilton ate for lunch today then the stock market crashing.
Spring Break Classic: Fight In The Pool
In honor of this being Spring Break week, we're breaking out some of the classics. Listen if I've said it once I've said it a million times. I'm mostly against dudes beating up chicks. But how about waiting to see if this chick is going to pull the upset of the century before breaking this up? I mean I had that first round 10-9 for the chick. I guess it just goes to prove the old adage about how the Spring Break pool is the great equalizer.
Alexader Ovechkin Just Set Back Eastern Motors 50 Years
The Original Eastern Motors Commercial
The Sequel
Ouch. This is a prime example of why you never make a sequel of a masterpiece. Because with the exception of the Godfather it's nearly impossible to replicate the magic of the first film. I mean this commercial never stood a chance. You got to blame the casting directer for this one. Just no way to expect a European with broken English to be able to compete with the likes of , Clinton Portis, Laveranues Coles and Lavar Arrington. Seriously I haven't been this disappointed since Weekend at Bernies II.
This Kid Is The Worst Punter I've Ever Seen
Yeah I know this is just a little kid, but god damn he sucks. I mean he has to be the worst fucking punter I've ever seen in my life. And he whines like a little bitch too. Just fucking kick the ball dude. It's not that fucking tough. Or better yet just put the ball down and join the glee club already.
Does This Look Like The Face of A Vermont Woman Who Would Get Two DUI’s In One Night?
WCAX - State Police say they picked up a Swanton woman for driving drunk twice in one night. Police say earlier this week they stopped 26-year-old Raven Hoague, for operating erratically on Lake Street in St. Albans. She was arrested, cited into court and released to some friends. Police say Hoague then got into a fight with those friends and ran back to her vehicle and drove again. Troopers caught up to her on Fisher Pond Road, in St. Albans, and charged her with DUI again. Police say this time she also tested positive for using drugs.
Listen I don’t want to defend drinking and driving but this bitch got screwed. I mean everybody knows you can’t be convicted of two DUI’s in one night. At least not unless you’ve been given amble time to sober up and then get shitfaced again. It’s like double jeopardy or some bull shit like that. 1 DUI per 1 drunk session. . That’s just the way it goes. So yeah pin the first one on this bitch but the 2nd one is on the cops. That’s what they get for letting her drunk ass friends bail her out. Jack Diamond was probably giggling like a little school girl when he read this one.
Introducing The UroClub…
In terms of dumb ass inventions this has to rank right at the top. I mean this defeats the entire purpose of having a dick. Bottom line is that if God didn’t want us taking leaks in the woods, on buildings or wherever we felt like it than he would have made us chicks. So out of pure principle I’d piss my pants before pissing into this golf club. It’s just about being a man really.
Celtics SUCK. Villanuava Twitters Bucks To Victory. 86-77.
The Celtics have had some cringe-worthy games this year, but yesterday's loss to the Milwaukee Bucks might just take the cake. There were a few bright spots to the game. Most notably, Perk played a ballsy game, scoring a career high 26 points and 12 boards. Besides that everyone pretty much played like ass. Rondo had an exceptionally horrific performance, Doc coached like it was 2005, and I'm convinced Starbury is quietly sucking the life out of this team.
The real story of the game occured at half-time, when Bucks foward Charlie Villanuava "Twittered" from the Bucks locker room. He wrote:
In da locker room, snuck to post my twitt. We're playing the Celtics, tie ball game at da half. Coach wants more toughness. I gotta step up.
Now the post alone is not really a big deal. He did not undermine his coach, or talk sh*t about the Celtics, so its hard to get too bent out of shape. It was more of an "inspirational" Tweet, and to his credit, he torched the Celtics in the second half. More significant is the precedent this sets for professional athletes. Up until recently Twitter has been used primarily as a communication mechanism by nerds, since they are incapable of leaving their house/ talking to women. In the last couple of months however, Celebreties have embraced the micro-blogging platform. Sick of normal people getting any attention, Celebs have put their movies on hold and picked up their laptops. You can now follow the likes of Demi Moore, Brittny Spears, or even MC Hammer, and what their doing every second of the day. While I could give two craps about what time Demi changes Ashton's diaper, more and more professional atheletes are starting to Twitter. This is a dream come-true for any sports fan. Professional athletes can barely drive to work without doing something stupid. Can you imagine how entertaining it will be when they are all on Twitter? Charlie Villanuava "sneaking" off to Twitter during a professional basketball game is only the beggining. Whats next? Twittering form the bench? We can only pray.
Watching the Celtics get their asses handed to them by the Bucks is not my idea of a good time. However, if you give Steph a blackberry and let him "express himself" during the game; the Celtics could be losing by 50 and I'd still watch.
You can follow Charlie Villanuava at Twitter.com/CV31
- Blog by Nic at I Heart Celtics
Wake Up with Tanya Robinson
Ho-hum, another hot British chick right out of the tabloids. You know UB is hearing that the Boston Globe is going out of business. Imagine what they could do if they took a cue from the UK and threw up some hot chicks on the cover. Imagine a newspaper like that over here? Oh, wait a minute...
More of Tanya's ta-tas here...
Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com