Random Thoughts

Introducing Kelly from UHartford. Man, Vin Baker (and the Stool's own Uncle Buck) must be proud as hell. That's two in a row for the Hartford umm Whalers? Not suprisingly it appears as if Kelly is a Jimmy Buffett fan and will probably be at Tavern on the Water for our Jimmy Buffett party on Tuesday.

Smokeshows.....Calling all Smokeshows.....And ladies don't be embarrassed to nominate yourself. If you're hot and you know it raise your hand. Send all nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

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You know what I’m going to miss the most from these Olympics?  No, not Michael Phelps.  No, not Bela Karolyi.   No, not even Alicia Sacramone.   What I’m going to miss the most is Nastia Liukin’s dad and his baggy white t-shirt.  At first I just assumed that he lost his luggage or something, but obviously he didn’t because he wore this every day of the Olympics.    What gives dude?  I don’t know how they do things in Moscow, but here looks count.  I mean would it kill you to throw on a polo shirt or something?   He was by far the worst dressed coach in the entire Olympic Games.  Poor Al Troutwig had to be dying on the inside.

A Cleveland High School teacher was charged with prostitution after meeting a man in an online chat room and soliciting him in a downtown Houston hotel, police told KPRC Local 2 Monday. Police said Laurie Ann Lewis, 38, was arrested Tuesday at the Four Seasons, 1300 Lamar, in an undercover sting.
Investigators said Lewis agreed to meet her client at the hotel as an escort. She was arrested after asking for $300 to perform a sexual act, police said. "We opened up a discussion with her in the chat room. She agreed at some point in that discussion for sex for money," said Capt. Bruce Williams of the Houston Police Department. "When she entered the room, the deal was done."
Police would not elaborate on the prostitution sting or on Lewis' alleged role as a prostitute. "I don't know to what extent she did this job. As far as I'm concerned, she's a teacher that got arrested for prostitution. I don't know that she was a career prostitute," Williams said.

If I was a taxpayer in Cleveland, I'd be pissed off beyond all recognition over this. How is it that every little 15 year old pizza-faced sophmore is getting hot teacher love for doing nothing but showing up to class and being sexually naive, but the guys who are actually paying the teacher's salaries are getting charged $300 a pop. How is that fair? I mean, I'm all in favor of hiring depraved, immoral teachers, but how about throwing a bone to the ones who pay the freight?

As a side note, Laurie looks way better than I imagine your typical prostitute to be, but what "sex act" with her would be worth $300 bucks? Is that the going rate? I honestly don't know. If that's what she can get, more power to her. Every teacher I know has a second job, and if she can makes her this lucrative, best wishes. I just think that for 300 bucks, whatever she does to me better include 18 holes at the International, too.

Vs.

Let me just make this clear.   We're challenging Bolt in the 200 meters.   Because I don’t think the Astrovan stands a chance in the 100.    Usain would be half way to the finish line jogging and pointing before the Astro could even get out of the blocks.   But the 200 is a whole different story.    That would give me a chance to kick it into high gear.   And say what you want about the Astro, but once we get its momentum going it’s like a freight train that can't be stopped.  I swear I’ve blown by Mercedes and BMW’s on the MA pike before and they just stare and wonder.     It’s like a blue flash exploding past them.   So I guarantee you Bolt wouldn’t be laughing and pointing with the Astrovan screaming down the track.   Plus we’d have Manzo and Jerry in the back throwing papers out the window to loosen the load like in One Crazy Summer.   I got to be honest.   I like our chances.

Vote 1 for Bolt and 10 for Astro

"Tap out damn it! Tap out!"

- Thanks to Kate for the pic

The Red Sox won last night behind another dominating yet totally underwhelming Dice K performance and were able to keep pace with the lucky Tampa Bay Devil Rays who continue to feast on the tomato cans of the American League.    Yes I said the Drays are lucky.   Did anybody notice how they scored their fucking runs in the 8^th last night?  Going into the bottom of the inning they were trailing 2-1 after basically getting no hit through 6 innings.  Then in the 8^th it goes Walk, Sac Bunt error, Walk, Strikeout, Walk, Strikeout, base hit, strikeout.   To summarize, 3 walks, one error, one hit and 3 whiffs and they score 3 runs.  Ha!  That shit can’t last forever!    Enjoy it while it last bitches.

Anyway speaking of shit that can’t last forever, I don’t trust Dice K as far as I can bowl him.     Listen I know there is a school of thought out there that thinks Matsuzaka has mastered the art of having no control and still winning games. These people say the results speak for themselves.  That he's always going to walk people and throw a ton of pitches, but it's part of his gameplan.   Well if you believe that then you're an idiot.   You can’t consistently walk people and have the bases loaded every fucking inning.    You just can’t do it.  There has NEVER been a good pitcher in the history of the baseball that pitches that way.     Yes, Dice K has gotten away with it this year.  But that doesn’t mean shit.   Next game, next month, next year it is bound to fall apart.   And when it’s playoff time and the hitters are better and more selective, this little not throwing strikes routine is going to get old fast.     It’s rule #1 in baseball.  You can’t walk guys and expect to win.  This shit may fly in the regular season, but it won’t work in the post season when it counts.  He’ll be lucky to get out of the 5^th inning and god knows we don’t have the bullpen to handle that type of piss poor effort.

Hilarious. I think it's time to put away the guitar when you're playing in front of 3 people and you knock one of them out. Not to mention that a real rocker wouldn't have stopped to check that the person they decked was okay. They'd spit on them and just keep going. I mean do you want to be part of the Misfits or not?

Man the cute chick hurdlers had a tough go of it yesterday huh?   Both Lolo and Sana were favored in their respective races and they both tripped on a hurdle ruining their chances.    And by the way tripping on a hurdle during the Olympics is as big a choke as you can have.    Anyway this naturally leads to the question of which girl would you rather console after this devastating defeat?    To be fair I don’t think Lolo’s pictures do her justice.    She looked much better on TV.   I even think Neumy got a chubby when he was interviewing her.   But being the assman that I am the choice for me is clear.     Sanna by a meter.

Sanna Kallur

VS.

Lola Jones

Vote 1 for Sanna and 10 for Lolo

Everybody keeps busting my balls about the Peta ads we’ve had on the left hand column of the website.  Let me just say that if you’re dumb enough to click on that shit than you deserve everything you get.   I mean it says “graphic and uncensored” right on it.  You couldn’t pay me enough to click on that.  But still I was getting sick just thinking about what those videos must have looked like so I denied “cut that meat” when it tried to renew for a 3 month contract.    Instead we got TVG and the Red Sox Team store which is clearly more our speed.   So do me a favor and sign up for TVG and buy something from the Sox store so we don’t need the “Cut the Meat” people anymore.  Personally I think the jacket is a no brainer and yes Manzo will be handicapping the Travers on Saturday. And remember you get 20% off your order of Sox gear by putting in the code "Barstool"

PS - I kind of want to drop the hammer on the Red Sox store. I always brag about how huge our readership is. So at least check out the store to see if anything catches your eye.

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From the NYPost:

Ex-Yankee pitcher Hideki Irabu - once ridiculed by George Steinbrenner as a "fat, pus-y toad" - was arrested in Osaka, Japan, today for allegedly assaulting a bartender after drinking 20 mugs of beer, a police official said.

Irabu, 39, became angered after his credit card was rejected. He allegedly pushed the bartender against the wall, pulled his hair and smashed at least nine liquor bottles... The police official said Irabu admitted the assault.

How funny is this? Daisuke Matsuzaka is 15-2, 2.77 and Irabu, the "Japanese Nolan Ryan," the guy who refused to play for anyone but the Yankees, the one for who caused the very posting system that landed the Sox Dice-K in the first place to be created, is back in Japan, washed up, getting his credit card rejected and drunkenly girly-fighting bartenders. Is there any doubt in your mind that by this time next year you can change "Japan" to "Florida" and "Irabu" to "Carl Pavano" and just reprint this exact same article?

SAN JUAN, Puerto Rico - A Puerto Rican man has been granted his wish to remain standing — even in death. A funeral home used a special embalming treatment to keep the corpse of 24-year-old Angel Pantoja Medina standing upright for his three-day wake.Dressed in a Yankees baseball cap and sunglasses, Pantoja was mourned by relatives while propped upright in his mother's living room. His brother Carlos told the El Nuevo Dia newspaper the victim had long said he wanted to be upright for his own wake: "He wanted to be happy, standing."

Do me a favor and make a mental note of where you were when you read this story.    Because I promise you this is going to revolutionize the wake business.   No more lying in the casket like a pussy.   Standing up while dead is going to become all the rage.  And it’s not going to stop with simple poses either.   Pretty soon the dead will be propped up watching TV, playing poker, dancing, riding a Jet Ski etc.  It’s going to become a game of who can top this.  And to think it all started in Puerto Rico with a man and his dream.   Somewhere Bernie Lomax is smiling....

There are a bunch of unwritten rules in America. You tip 20% at restaurants. You say thank you when somebody holds a door for you. You whistle at a hot chick who walks by you in the street. And when somebody throws a ball in your beer no matter where, when or how you need to chug it. Glad to see this guy plays by the rules.

(Fantastic!)

OXFORD—The tall custodian with a shy smile, striking blue eyes and softly waved salt-and-pepper hair wears a gray T-shirt, as do all school custodians in town. In previous years, students at Clara Barton Elementary School knew him as Brian Bonin. However, starting this year, they will know him as Brianna Bonin. Parents of all pupils at the school can expect to receive a letter this week signed by both Ernest L. Boss, superintendent of schools, and Principal Norman P. Yvon, explaining, “Our night custodian has informed us of his decision to change his gender and, as we begin the school year, he will begin living and working as a woman. He has been a valued employee of the Oxford Public Schools for many years, and we expect his exemplary performance to continue as he changes gender roles.”  “I’m looking forward to becoming a woman. My doctor said they are trying to get such surgery covered by insurance, but it isn’t yet,” said Mr. Bonin, an Oxford resident.  Mr. Boss said yesterday, “We alerted parents to make it easier on them. It’s her life. We won’t tolerate prejudice. We teach our kids understanding and tolerance.”  Mr. Yvon said, “We expect the kids to accept this readily. They see a man with long hair and ask if he’s a girl. But we are aware that this can be a difficult topic for parents. If the kids ask, we suggest telling them that our custodian used to be a man, but is now a woman.”  Fellow school custodian Stephen S. Anderson said, “I think it’s fantastic. Whatever makes her happy makes me happy. My wife has two transgenders in her family. It takes a lot of guts to come out like she did. She does a fantastic job here.”  Mr. Bonin’s wife of 14 years, Catherine Bonin, is also “having trouble” adjusting to the fact that her husband no longer exists. “Cathy is divorcing me and moving to Florida. She is a wonderful woman. She is hurt. She lost her wonderful husband Brian she still loves. Brian no longer exists. She wants a man. I’m not a man. I don’t blame her. She will go on with her new life and I’ll stay here and go on with my new life as a woman.”  “In the case of very young children, they don’t understand sex, so don’t address sexual issues, but they do understand gender. Tell them that some people are born with girl bodies and boy hearts. Other people are born with boy bodies and girl hearts. They all want to dress to match their hearts.”

Wait a minute. Did the guy have the operation already or not? Because in the picture it looks like he did, but in the article it says he didn't. I'm confused. But not as confused as those 1st graders are going to be when you tell them that Custodian Brian was born with a boy’s body and a girl’s heart and that he used to be a man but now he’s a Brianna.  I'm sure they'll totally get that. Regardless I could care less if a guy wants to have a sex change operation. I honestly could give a fuck less. But I’m not sure I’d go as far as to call this "fantastic". Is it creepy?  Sure.  Fantastic?  Not so much.  Would I be bragging about it on the front page of the Worcester Telegram? Probably not. And despite what Brianna says,  I’m thinking the wife doesn’t still love Brian.  

WJNO - Fort Lauderdale resident Kevin Kearney is in critical condition Tuesday after attempting to kite surf in Tropical Storm Fay.

I know everybody probably wants to make fun of this guy for being stupid. But if Point Break has taught us anything it's that "if you want the ultimate, you've got to be willing to pay the ultimate price. It's not tragic to die doing what you love. Vayos Con Dios Brah."

More Moon here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com