Random Thoughts

You didn't think I'd let today go by without paying tribute to Nomar doing what Nomar does best did you? Yup, just another walk off last night for arguably the greatest Red Sox of them all. Fuck Lugo.

Introducing Heather from the Dirty Dirty. And by Dirty Dirty I obviously mean UMaine. It shouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why I love this girl. If you guessed that she's a brunette with a body from hell than you'd be right.

We've had a major slowdown on smokeshow nominations this week. For shame. It's time to reload so send all nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

Click Here for More Pics of Heather

I LOVE IT! Every kid with a mohawk like that deserves to get knocked the fuck out. And all X gamers for that matter too. The only thing I was disappointed with is that I was hoping they pulled a King Kong Bundy and waved off the 10 count and asked for a 50 count.

Gulp!   Yup all indications is that Ron Borges is signed sealed and delivered to join the ever expanding weei.com.   Don't shoot me if I'm wrong, but I think it's a done deal. And if it is than this is a slap in the face to all of New England.  Why not just hire Greg Easterbrooks or John Tomase?   Clearly WEEI doesn’t care about getting good journalists.  They are just looking for muckrakers who will say outrageous things and trick people into visiting the site.  After all a click is a click is a click right?    So I’m here to call for the first pre boycott in the history of the Stool.  And if you do read him, don’t bother emailing me to complain about him either because that makes you just as dumb as he is for reading him in the first place. 

I promise you that I will not acknowledge his existence as long as the Stool remains in business.    As a side note it’s going to be interesting to watch Weei.com’s development.   Do you think this will become a huge website with all these mainstream reporters writing for it now?    I guess only time will tell.    Personally I'm rooting for Felger since he loves us.

PS – Don’t forget it’s Jimmy Fund Day at WEEI which is the best thing they do all year.   So if you can donate, donate.

It's been a long and hard 8 months and 16 days since we first posted the pictures of a fat Jennifer Love Hewitt in her "size 2" bathing suit. Frankly I don't think I've had a restful night sleep since. Because if you're around 30 years old like I am, a world with a gross Jennifer Love Hewitt is not a world worth living in. But thankfully our long National Nightmare is over. Jennifer Love Hewitt is hot again! Tonight I will be able to rest easy.

From Pro Football Talk:

Every GM in the NFL just threw up in his mouth. They're all sitting in their offices right now dreading the call that's coming, the one telling them their boss wants to see them right away to find how the Patriots are able to pull off these moves no one else can. How deep is the Patriots roster? So deep it includes future Hall of Famers who are sitting at home ready to sign a contract and report to camp at a moment's notice. A week ago, the Pats had no need for John Lynch, but you know Piolichick spoke to him anyway. Then Tank Williams goes down and a phone call and a physical later a 9-time Pro Bowler is being directed to the Gillette Stadium player's parking lot. Plus, all Scott Pioli needs to do is send Junior Seau a "We need u in camp asap" text message and he'll climb off the surfboard and be in Foxboro like Bruce Wayne answering the Bat Signal. In the limited role of playing in subpackages or playing ILB on passing downs, Lynch is the perfect addition.

John Lynch Fun Fact No. 1: His father John, Sr. played for the Steelers.

John Lynch Fun Fact No. 2: He threw the first pitch in the history of the Florida Marlins organization, for the Erie Sailors in 1992.

John Lynch Fun Fact No. 3: He's the godfather of Herm Edwards' son, and the Pats open the season against Kansas City.

I love old people. They don't give a fuck. I don't even know why this guy pretended to whisper in the first place. Just shout it out dude. You could die tomorrow anyway.

Click for the Answer

Boston.com -- Suffolk Downs and Wonderland Greyhound Park agreed today to form a partnership to "protect the thousands of existing jobs" at both race tracks and strengthen their position to build a resort-style casino if the state expands gambling, according to a joint statement. By joining forces, the tracks gain significant economic benefits they lack as separate entities. Wonderland gains the greater financial strength of its East Boston counterpart, while Suffolk gains access to potentially lucrative development opportunities in Revere. “We have been working on this kind of agreement for a while, but the time has been well spent because we now have gotten it right," said Richard Fields, Suffolk Downs’ principal shareholder. In today's statement, Sarkis said, “All along during discussions with Suffolk Downs, we had one big goal in mind: protect the jobs of nearby residents who, in many cases, have spent their whole lives working at this facility." Suffolk Downs was seen as the leading contender for a Boston-area casino, with a politically connected ownership group and a large tract of land within minutes of Logan International Airport. But Wonderland was a pesky second option, and owners held casino partnership discussions with a wide number of investors, including Donald Trump, Foxwoods, Mohegan Sun, and the Aquinnah Wampanoag tribe of Martha's Vineyard.

HAHAHA! Donald Trump wanted to buy fucking Wonderland!!  Holy shit, you can’t make that up.  Obviously he’s never had the soup.  Anyway I think this is great news for all area degenerates.  Again, I think.  More money in the pools = more money spent gambling trying to win the money in the pools.  Plus this is all part of Menino's "master plan" to bring a casino to Boston which would save everyone the 1.5 hour ride to Foxwoods on the 2 a.m. Bonanza. Also I noticed they said something about “protecting the jobs of people who have spent their whole lives working there”.  That's great. But don’t forget about the people who have spent their whole lives living there.   On any given night, especially during the winter, you can count at least 15-20 people inside Wonderland who call the “First Turn Pub” their home. 

Both clips, NSFW (language):

Earl Weaver turns 78 today. He won a World Series, four pennants, had a remarkable five seasons with 100+ wins, an even more remarkable ONE season sub .500 and is in the Hall of Fame. But his greatest accomplishments were off the field. Like Earl's landmark "Manager's Corner" appearance (see the first clip) where he demonstrated his unparalleled ability to be a vulgar old bastard, the Picasso of Profanities. Earl's other great accomplishment was lending his name to EA Sports' Earl Weaver Baseball, the first truly great sports video game. The only thing that would've made it better is if the manager's in it talked like Earl. I personally pledge $1000 to the Jimmy Fund Radiothon if Terry Francona will say "Alice Sweet needs to worry about where the fuck her next lay is coming from" to Joe Castiglione in his pregame show.

HAZEL PARK, MI—In a statement made to reporters earlier this afternoon, local idiot Brandon Mylenek, 26, announced that at approximately 2:30 a.m. tonight, he plans to post an idiotic comment beneath a video on an Internet website. Mylenek, who rarely in his life has been capable of formulating an idea or opinion worth the amount of oxygen required to express it, went on to guarantee that the text of his comment would be misspelled to the point of incomprehension, that it would defy the laws of both logic and grammar, and that it would alledge that several elements of the video are homosexual in nature. "The result will be an astonishing combination of ignorance, offensiveness, and sheer idiocy." Mylenek said he fully expects that his comment will spawn a series of replies from other idiots around the world, who will either agree with his stance, disagree with his stance, or call Mylenek himself a "d0uche" and post an irrelevant link to a separate video that they will claim to be "way funnier." According to Mylenek, this is all part of the plan."We are blessed to be living in an age when we have a global communications network in which idiots, assholes, and total and complete wastes of fucking human life alike can come together to give instant feedback in an unfettered and unmonitored online environment," Mylenek said. "What better way to take advantage of this incredible technology than to log onto the Internet and insult a complete stranger?"

Click for entire Article

My only regret in life is that I didn’t write this article myself.  Because this sums up 97% of the people who comment on our message board much better than I ever could.   The good news is we are only weeks away from being able to ban people at the drop of a hat.   This should seriously cut down on the asshole factor and put Barstool Sports one step closer to the dictatorship that I’ve always envisioned. 

DeWITT COUNTY, Texas -- The legend of the chupacabra gained new life over the weekend as two DeWitt County sheriff's deputies spotted what they said they believe is the mythical creature.

Friday, Cpl. Brandon Riedel was training a new deputy when he said they saw the animal running down a dirt path along fence lines.

"You need to record something like this because it's not everyday you find something that looks like this running around out in the middle of the county," he said.

"You know, it's just kind of one of those things to hear about and talk about, but to actually see something on video that may actually be a live one, that's pretty amazing.”

Well first of all how is this not breaking news on MSNBC?  We just caught a fucking mythological figure on tape!   I mean if it was Zeus or the Lochness Monster, I guarantee you it would be front page news.  Regardless, back in 1999 on a pre-Barstool business trip I spent 2 weeks in the mountains of Puerto Rico, home of the Chupacabra, and never saw a damn thing.  So I just assumed there was no such thing as a blood-sucking half-dog, half-beast that roamed the mountains and preyed on unsuspecting goats.  Well, score another one for the believers.  I wasn't aware the Chupacabra could fly to Texas, but look at that picture (see above).  That’s as real as your grandmother’s tits.  See, it just goes to show you, if you believe in something long enough, it’s eventually bound to come true. 

I literally can't wait for Superbowl so we can fucking crush whoever we play. I almost feel bad for the NFC.

Click for more pics of Elisabetta

(send wakeup nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com)