Random Thoughts

When will Texas learn? You can't play little ball vs. us and expect to win. I mean it's going to take more than scratching out 17 runs to beat us. Also, I'm pretty sure I just saw Youk sprint by my house in Abinton after mashing that 3 run ding dong in the 8th. I couldn't be sure though because he was still running a million miles per hour.

Finally! How many times have you watched the incomparable Stuart Scott and said to yourself "He's so good at everything he does, when oh, when am I going to get to hear him sing?" Well wonder no more. Here's the much-anticipated musical debut of Stu singing the karaoke version of "I'll Be." Dessemination of this instant classic is the reason the Internet was invented.

To use Stu's own words, his singing is like gravy on a biscuit, it's all good. He's as hardcore as the Wu-Tang Clan on steroids. Just call him butter cuz he's on a roll. He's doin' it and doin' it and doin' it well. Don't see nothing wrong with a little bump and grind. He's got his mojo workin' and he's breaking him off a little somthin' somethin'. And so as not to miss the obvious, Stuart Scott is cooler than the other side of the pillow. I'll be at the midnight release of his CD.

Introducing Kiersten from umm, Harvard.   This should be fun to hear what everybody has to say about her.  Not only is she better looking than you, but she’s smarter than you too.   Pretty lethal combo where I come from. Harvard girls must sweat the shit out of this chick. 

Do you know any smokeshows?  And no they don’t have to be as smart as Kiersten.   We take all comers.  Smart girls, dumb girls, ditzy girls, athletic girls, funny girl etc.  As long as they are hot, they are welcome.  Send all nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

Click For More of Kiersten

MONTERREY, Mexico—A 700-pound man once considered the world's most obese person left his home for the first time in five months Sunday with the aid of a forklift and a platform truck. Manuel Uribe traveled to the shore of a lake in northern Mexico without ever leaving his specially designed bed. A forklift hoisted the bed onto the truck, which then hauled him to the lake, where he snacked on fish and vegetables and joked with a local boat operator. Once considered the world's fattest man when his weight hit over half a ton, more than two years of steady dieting had helped Uribe drop to about 700 pounds as of June -- 550 pounds less than his former Guinness record weight of 1,235 pounds. While somewhat bothered by the summer heat, Uribe appeared to enjoy Sunday's outing. He is still unable to walk, and his last planned outing in March was aborted after the platform carrying his bed got stuck under an overpass. His last successful trip outside his home was in March 2007, when six people pushed Uribe's wheel-equipped iron bed out to the street as a mariachi band played and a crowd gathered to greet him. Before that, he hadn't left his home in five years.

What’s the big fucking deal?  The guy just left his house five months ago!   Are we going to throw a parade now every time a forklift comes and picks his ass up?  And it’s not even like he’s the world’s fattest dude anymore.  You want to impress me?  How about walking?  Do that and I’ll fucking hire the Mariachi band myself.

XENIA , Ohio (WDTN) - Some workers at a Greene County restaurant are in hot water with the health department, after an employee took a bubble bath in a store sink.It happened at the Burger King on Orange Street in Xenia. A four-minute video posted on MySpace captured the employee, self-described as Mr. Unstable, bathing nude in a large stainless steel sink as several other employees and a store manager looked on. "That's just, it's wrong it's a place where families come to eat and them taking a bath in the sink that's just not work ethic," said Crystal Dodge, who said she used to eat at Burger King all the time.

Crystal Dodge can stop her bitching and moaning about how this is bad work ethic, blah, blah, blah.  I mean what did she expect from somebody named “Mr. Unstable?”     Obviously the dude is going to spit in burgers and take bubble bathes in the sink.   Especially on his birthday! That’s just what "Mr. Unstable" does.   You can’t stop "Mr. Unstable".  You can’t even hope to contain him.  

Bostonherald.com - One of the MIT computer hackers who uncovered flaws in the CharlieCard system that would let passengers swipe free rides said he and his classmates offered to show T officials how to fix the problem, but instead were hauled into court and barred from speaking about their work. We made first contact,” said Zack Anderson, 21, a Los Angeles native, who majors in electronic engineering and computer science. “We wanted to let them know what we found and we wanted to tell them some ideas we had on how they could fix that system ... We felt like the issue was resolved. That was verbally affirmed in a Monday meeting. Then Friday we find out there’s a federal lawsuit against us.”

So let me get this straight?  It took these MIT dorks an entire semester to hack into the MBTA and create this “unlimited” Charlie Card?   Hmm, I guess scooting through the gates was just too easy.  But nice work guys.  Way to find a much more elaborate way to scam the Green Line.   Maybe next time though we leave the Charlie Card thesis to the kids at Shawsheen Tech while the MIT students can work on finding an economically friendly fuel source or something.  Just a thought.

- Blog from Mr. Mill City

BBC - Doris Probst has become the first woman to win the annual hog calling contest at the Illinois State Fair in America. She is a dairy farmer from Effingham, but imitated the hog as she whooped and hollered her way to the top prize.

(better video on BBC website)

It's been a long time coming for the Feminists. Now I don't want to go overboard and say this is as important as the women's suffrage movement, but it's pretty damn close. And it surely has to soften the blow of Hillary not winning the Democratic Nomination. Sure there won't be a woman in the White House this year, but we do have a female hog calling champion in Illinois and that may be just as important. Banner day for the Feminsts indeed.

PS - I'm embarrassed for all the men in Illinois. No way do I let a chick steal this title in MA. Not on my watch.

From John Heyman on SI.com: People in high places in baseball are starting to speculate about whether this could be the last season together for the highly successful yet increasingly uncomfortable front-office tandem of GM Theo Epstein and president/CEO Larry Lucchino, and one logical ending would have Lucchino joining Manny Ramirez in Los Angeles. It's all speculation now, but it's not all that farfetched... Lucchino is said by people familiar with the just-departed Ramirez soap opera to have been much more committed to keeping Ramirez, no matter how badly the man-child superstar behaved and how much he risked undermining the clubhouse... Epstein was said by associates to have been upset about the leaking of an alleged story claiming Ramirez's agent, Scott Boras, called him back an hour after the trade to try to have the blockbuster deal rescinded and get Ramirez back to Boston without the option years. It isn't known who provided this info about the alleged phone call... In any case, what upset Epstein was the unnecessary smearing of Ramirez's name.

I don't know where to begin dissecting and analyzing this article. So I guess I'll start where John Heyman does: by stating the obvious. Theo and Larry don't get along. For at least three years this has been apparent to everyone from the kids who go to the games to meet Wally to the pink hat chicks to Tom Caron, but suddenly to Heyman (a pretty fair reporter I might add) it's a scoop. Then he goes on to say that Lucchino is an arrogant, antagonistic a-hole. Again... tell us something we don't know.

Next let's look at the part of the story that's pure fiction: this notion that Lucchino wanted to keep Manny. There's no way that's true. I mean, I may have wanted to, but I never had to put up with the nitwit; I just liked to watch him hit. You just know a superserious, Type-A intellectual like Larry wanted Manny taken out to the middle of nowhere and left for dead years ago.

But it's Heyman's last point that I think is the crux of the matter. I have no doubt that Lucchino leaked the story about Boras' "Manny will play well with others" phone call, and that Theo was cheesed off about it. But not because he's worried about smearing Manny's name [chuckle], but because this is right off Page One of the Larry Lucchino Playbook: "When a player leaves, no matter the circumstances, leak stuff to The Globe that makes him look like a money-grubbing douchebag with rapidly declining skills in order to get the fans on your side." That might make the front office look better in the short term, but it does nothing to help you win championships. If you're wondering why Theo and Lucchino can't co-exist, the answer is right there.

Editors Note: Theo still hates Lucchino for making shit up about Nomar when he left. That's a fact!

Click Here For the Answer

The country is still buzzing about that Michael Phelps Relay victory on Sunday Night against France.   It was truly an Olympic event for the ages.   The way he swam that first leg, passed it off to himself for the 2^nd leg, faded in the 3^rd leg, only to make a heroic comeback in the 4^th leg was the stuff of legend.   Clearly worthy of the 4 Gold Medals he earned for the victory.  My only question is who were the 3 other guys who were celebrating with him?  What did they do?  Don’t tell me that black guy was a swimmer was he?    Seriously in all my years of watching sports I don’t think I’ve ever seen anybody get more overshadowed than Jason Lezak has.  I mean all he did was single handily win that race.  Yeah I know that Michael Phelps has a chance to win 8 gold medals and that he is the biggest star in the Olympics, NBA guys notwithstanding, but this was Lezak’s night.  He’s the guy everybody should be talking about.  But for the past 24-48 hours all I’ve heard about is Phelps.   Don’t get me wrong I don’t think Phelps is intentionally trying to hog the spotlight, but that’s exactly what’s happening.   So if Lezak sneaky stabs Phelps in his sleep, I don’t think I’d blame him.     

Whoopie buys scratch tickets? What the fuck? The only possible explanation is that she is broke. Why else would a rich dude by scratchies. It makes ZERO SENSE.

(dlisted)

LOWELL -- Police say it started when a 42-year-old Lowell man used cash advances from credit cards to fill a duffel bag with $62,000, spent an hour or two drinking cognac, and then set out in search of a prostitute. What would result, said a police official who declined to be named, was one of the most sordid tales city police have seen in quite a while.  The 42-year-old man in question, who police have not identified, found his alleged prostitute in the Lower Highlands Saturday, where he rode on his bike about 8 p.m., with a Nike duffel bag slung on his shoulder.  He met Jessica Garcia, 30, of 46 Aiken Ave., Unit 2, Lowell, in front of 143 Westford St., and followed her into the basement after she solicited him, according to a police report.  Inside the basement, the two negotiated a price of $30 for sex, and when the man retrieved the money from his bag, Garcia noticed how much cash he had, according to police.  Garcia also noticed just how drunk the would-be customer was, and decided to take his money, police said. As the man sat intoxicated in a chair, Garcia tied the man's belt around his ankles, and then suddenly shoved him, knocking him to the floor as she grabbed the duffel bag and ran off, according to police. The man soon appeared at the Highlands precinct reporting the robbery about 8:30 p.m.  Though the man's story sounded bizarre, detectives took a description of the woman, and began checking at local hotels to see if  anyone fitting that description had recently checked in and paid in cash.  At the DoubleTree Hotel downtown, employees confirmed that someone had, and that the woman fit the description.  About 3 a.m., officers knocked on the woman's room door and were invited inside, immediately spotting two large stacks of $20 and $50 bills on a nightstand. In all, $44,521 was found in the hotel room, police said. Garcia had spent some of the money on Lottery tickets and alcohol, but the rest is unaccounted for, according to police.

The stories just keep getting nuttier and nuttier around here.  I honestly can’t even begin to wrap my brain around this.    But here are the questions that popped into my mind in no particular order.  Free Barstool hat to anybody who can come up with a logical answer for all of them. And I will not accept that this was Brewster's Millions II and this guy had to spend 60K in Lowell in 24 hours.

Questions for the victim  

1. Why do you need a 60,000 grand to buy a 30 dollar hooker?  
2. Why didn’t you take a cab instead of riding a bike?
3. Why would you settle for a 30 dollar hooker when you have 60 grand on you?
4. Why wouldn’t you rent a hotel room instead of hooking up in this chick’s basement?
5. Where did this guy get 60 grand cash from? When I lose 5 grand gambling it's a hassle at the bank.
6. What kind of duffle bag can hold 60 grand cash cash?

Questions for the stripper

1. If you just robbed a guy of 60 grand why would you buy scratch tickets with it?   I mean at least go to Foxwoods or something.
2. Why stay at a DoubleTree?  There has to be something nicer than that.
3. How many fucking scatch tickets did this bitch buy?

Questions for the police

6.   Why would you ever believe this guy’s story in the first place?

LONGMONT, Colo. (AP) - A man claiming to be a police detective tried to get an adult novelty shop to give him free X-rated videos, saying he wanted to make sure the performers weren't underage, authorities said. He made three tries within nine days last month and was turned down each time. The store manager called police after the third try. Authorities said Monday that the man showed a badge and left a business card from the Longmont police "age verification unit." Cmdr. Tim Lewis said there is no such unit. The business card didn't have anyone's name on it, but the store gave officers surveillance video of the man. Police are looking for him.

This is an outrage. What does Cmdr. Lewis mean the police don't have an Age Verification Unit? What the hell are the people of Longmont paying taxes for? I'll bet they've got an Animal Control Officer, meter maids, a Fish & Game Warden. But who's there to protect the citizenry from porn with underage girls in it? This is a public safety issue. If anything, this guy is a hero, selflessly sacrificing his own needs to serve the greater good. He's Batman. And like the Dark Knight, instead of thanking him for his public service, they're calling him a vigilante and hunting him down. Well I for one am calling this guy what he is: an anonymous hero who's helping protect the porn video store loitering public of Longmont, CO.

And to the police department of my town: When you do become enlightened enough to form an Age Verification Unit, you have my resume' on file. In the meantime, I'll be writing the pilot for "Law & Order: AVU."

"Misery loves company....Tommy wake up!"

(pic originally seen on biglead)

(george salmon photography)

Randy's Radar -- Jenn Sterger, a southern girl with flair, is taking her act toNew York. In an effort to improve their gameday experience, the New York Jets have hired Sterger as the club’s gameday host.

“It will be fun. It’s going to be sassy,” Jenn told me recently of her new role. “I plan on fully embracing my new role as a New Yorker.”

In her new position, she will interview celebrities and will host a pregame “Keys to the Game” segment and the club’s pregame components up until player introductions. She’ll also play a role during TV timeouts and at halftime.

Wow, first Brett Favre and now this?  Clearly the Jets are headed in the right direction this year as far as bringing in people past their prime.   Sure, maybe in ‘06 or ’07 Jenn Sterger would’ve been a nice addition to the club, now nobody really cares about her since she’s already dropped her drawers for Playboy (NSFW).  “The cat’s out of the bag”, as they say.  I mean unless she starts making out with Joe Willie Namath on the sidelines (possible) I’m not sure what she brings to the table here. I guess we'll see how/who she does, as somebody once said, "Maybe the Jets know something that the rest of the people don't."

Mom and daughter showdown here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com