Top Five Easiest Paths to Your Kid Winning an Olympic Medal

You watch these athletes at the Olympics, you see their parents and hear the heartwarming stories of all the sacrifices their families made to help their athletic dreams come true. Well screw that. I mean, I'd love to have a kid in the Olympics, make a trip to London in 2012 or some other, more exotic locale in 2016, but there's no chance I'm taking out a third mortgage to pay for ten daily hours of swim coaching, gymnasium rentals, or God forbid, equestrian horses. Plus a lot of your Olympic sports require something close to actual athletic talent, and years of performance-enhancing drugs and masking agents are something not every parent feels like paying for.

So that begs the question: What sports are there for the parent who wants to steer their kid into the Olympics, reap the benefits, maybe win the same medal Jesse Owens and Bruce Jenner won, but do so by the easiest possible route. Here are the top five:

5. Sailing

Who knew the Olympics even had sailing? Not only One- and Two- Person Dinghys, but Keel Boats and Mixed Hull. Until they add bowling and golf, with carts, Sailing will remain the only Olympic sport that involves cup holders. The ironman sport of this discipline is Windsurfing, since it involves actually standing up.

4. Archery

The only difference between Olympic Archery, your summer camp competition, and your typical "Survivor" immunity challenge is the quality of the bows and a couple of weeks of training.

3. Rowing

I'll grant you that rowing a boat requires a certain amount of aerobic conditioning and strength. But not a ton, as you can see for yourself in five minutes of strolling among the hoards of Engineering Majors at the Head of the Charles Regatta. But it requires nothing even resembling skill to pull oars back and forth. And even if it is too much effort for your little darling, there's always being the coxswain, which only requires him or her to be bossy.

2. Shooting

Shooting takes skill. Coordination. A steady hand. And absolutely zero athleticism. And there are fifteen different disciplines... from Rapid Fire Rifle to Skeet to Air Pistol, none of which require any more conditioning than a fat redneck squatting in a duck blind. Whether your kid is Ralphie Parker or the next Lee Harvey Oswald, there's something available for him here.

1. Badminton

Even at its most competitive, cut throat and pressure packed, how much harder is Badminton than it was in your uncle's backyard? Unlike say, table tennis, where the speed of the ball requires a superhuman level of hand-eye coordination, a shuttlecock will only travel so fast. You could fire one from a cannon and it's not going to have much more mustard on it than your cousin's best serve. The one Olympic sport you can compete in without putting your beer down.

Honorable mentions that just missed the list because they either require effort or a lot of money: Dressage, BMX biking, Ribbon Gymnastics, Trampoline, Canoeing and Walking.