Random Thoughts
1. The Globe - Kenny Gamble, Reebok’s vice president of merchandising… explained [that] head coaches have specific guidelines on what NFL-sponsored Reebok apparel they should wear during games - with choices for the preseason, the “first season’’ (warmer weather) and “second season’’ (colder weather). Belichick, however, went off the script around 2002, deciding to wear the gray hoodie that was produced for players - not coaches - from all 32 teams. It was a choice that initially irked some Reebok officials. Not anymore.
The gray hoodie has not only become a Belichick trademark, it’s become a moneymaker. According to Gamble, about 50 percent of all NFL gray hoodie sales have included the Patriots logo. “After a while, our approach was, ‘Let’s not fight it, let’s try to take advantage of it.’ He’s made that piece famous,’’ Gamble said. The story of Belichick and his gray hoodie was circulating around Reebok headquarters once again this spring after a Patriots practice in which Belichick donned a blue throwback Boston Patriots sweatshirt - a garment he wasn’t supposed to have because it was not yet in production. Once Belichick was spotted on local newscasts and photographed by local newspapers and websites, Reebok began experiencing a sudden demand for the sweatshirt that coaches will wear in games celebrating the American Football League’s 50th anniversary. “Unknowingly, and probably the last thing he cares about, he’s kind of been a fashion icon,’’ Gamble chuckled.
Is there any field of endeavor in which Belichick doesn’t exist on a higher intellectual plane than everyone else? Football. Psychology. Lacrosse. Economics. And now fashion. He’s Dumbledore, looking at the world around us and seeing the big picture the rest of us can’t see. Ostensibly, Kenny Gamble and the folks who run Reebok get paid big sums of money to predict what American sports fan want to wear and are interested in buying. Period. And they can’t even do that simple thing as well as Belichick can. And he’s spending 99% of his time building a roster and scheming to dismantle the Wildcat Offense. “Fashion icon”? Really? Gamble is just now figuring out that every guy in America wants to be Belichick and every woman wants to be with him? Where’ve you been, man? People want the look of a winner, and the greatest winner of our times wears a gray hooded sweatshirt. It’s that simple. Which is why Belichick has a bigger effect on fashion in America than his quarterback’s wife does in Paris and Milan. And I’ve got a closet full of gray Patriots hoodies to prove it.
2. Daily Telegraph (UK) - A married couple took almost £47,000 in cash to back every dog at a greyhound track but what they thought to be a foolproof strategy turned out to have a crucial flaw. The pair, in their 50s, were hoping to scoop a British record breaking greyhound jackpot of £101,110.39p at Sheffield’s Owlerton Stadium. They travelled hundreds of miles from the south coast of England with their stake money and what they believed to be a fail-safe plan. The unnamed punters placed £46,656 in bets to cover every possible placing of six dogs in six races, using cash they brought in a Tesco carrier bag. But the couple had not bargained on two other ticketholders backing all six winners and the jackpot being split three ways. It meant that their share of £33,703.46 left them with a net loss of around £13,000.
Well just like trying to beat the chicken at tic-tac-toe in Vegas or the Michigan 10-cent deposit scheme that Kramer and Newman tried to pull off on Mother’s Day 1995, everybody knows betting all 40,320 combinations of the Pick 6 never works at the dog track. It’s been tried 1000 times and failed every time. I mean you’d think a poor degenerate couple who drove 200 miles to bet £46,000 would know better. And talk about a bad car ride home? I have a feeling they weren’t exactly singing “Born to Run” with the top down. Anyway, it’s too bad they didn’t try this at Wonderland. They would have just sold them the track.
3. WCCO - Police have been seeking the 31-year-old since surveillance tape allegedly showed him breaking into a fitness clinic in May and slashing exercise balls. Duluth police are looking for a man with a self-professed sexual fetish for slashing rubber balls. Authorities are familiar with the man. A criminal complaint released Thursday says he was convicted in 2005 of breaking into a sports facility at the University of Minnesota in Duluth and slashing about 70 balls. Each ball cost between $30 and $60 Court documents say the man told police he slashed the rubber balls to satisfy a sexual urge. Experts said he has an unusual attraction to inflatable exercise devices.
I’ll tell you what. If I were an exercise ball I’d be sleeping with one eye open tonight. Because the only thing scarier than a man with a work out ball slashing fetish is a man with a work out ball slashing fetish on the run. I mean there is just no telling what this guy will do next. One second you’re minding your own business and the next second you’re slashed to shit with air leaking out and a dick inside you. Scary times indeed for the exercise ball community.
4. Orebro, Sweden — Police in central Sweden are on the hunt for a gang of tattooed women who sexually molested a 50-year-old man as he was riding by on his bicycle. The incident took place around 9pm on July 8th as the man was cycling down Vintergatan in central Örebro, the Aftonbladet newspaper reports. Suddenly, someone grabbed hold of the rack on the back of the man’s bike, causing him to fall to the ground. “The girls ran up to him and pulled the bicycle down so he fell,” Örebro police spokesperson Annika Haaster told the newspaper. As the man was lying defenceless on the ground, the women proceeded to pull off his trousers and underwear and molest him sexually before fleeing the scene. According to police, the 50-year-old was not otherwise beaten or physically assaulted by the gang of five girls. The victim told police that the girl who actually pulled down the bicycle was about 175 centimetres (5 feet, 7 inches) tall and had tattoos on her forearms. Authorities are hoping that tips from the public can help them apprehend the suspects responsible for the bizarre attack.
What do they mean “sexually molested”? Did they blow him or set his nuts on fire? That’s kind of a big distinction. I mean if they set his nuts on fire, then this guy’s story doesn’t sound so hot anymore. You just don’t get over something like that with a trip to the zoo. Anyway, who knew they had gangs in Sweden, let alone female tattoo? I always thought people over there just listened to Abba and ski jumped 24-7.
5. TAMPA, Fla. (AP)—A University of South Florida football player was recovering at a hospital after falling 35 feet from a gondola ride while working at Busch Gardens in Tampa, team officials said. Team officials identified the player as Maikon Bonani, 20, USF’s starting kicker. The employee was working Saturday at the Skyride attraction. After sending passengers on a gondola out of the station, the employee thought the door might be unlocked and held onto the door to check it while guests sat on the ride, according to a park statement. He held on as the gondola took off—then 35 feet above the ground—let go and dropped into a landscaped area, the statement added. “He was trying to make sure they were safe,” said Revelle of those on the ride. USF football coach Jim Leavitt told the St. Petersburg Times that he spoke to Bonani by phone and later visited him. Leavitt said Bonani may have injured his vertebra. “He’s in pain, but doing fine and resting,” Leavitt said.
Am I understanding this correctly? This dude was helping people get on the gondola and then held on when it took off ? What the fuck? No offense but this guy has to be the dumbest gondola employee in terms of the way he plays the game. I mean this is a gondola we’re talking about. This isn’t Space Mountain or the Turkish twist where you need to be buckled in or else you die. Turtles move faster than a gondola. So I’m pretty sure the people inside could have either shut the door themselves or just not fallen out. Seriously this would be like a ski lift guy holding on as it takes off because the bar isn’t down. It’s ludicrous. So I guess my question here is whether this guy was really trying to be a hero or was he just trying to get on the Stool? I’m going with the latter.
6. Well what a whirlwind weekend it was for Erin Andrews, the bloggers who follow her and the perverts who beat off to her. Just to recap it all started late Friday afternoon when rumors began swirling across the internet that there were naked Erin Andrews videos on some porn website. No big deal right? I mean what celebrity doesn’t have some supposedly “secret naked footage” out there?. 99.9% of the time it’s just a hoax and that’s exactly what everybody would have thought here if it weren’t for ESPN sending a cease and desist letter to the porn website. That instantly gave the peephole videos credibility and set the whole thing in motion. Next thing you knew everybody was talking about them. And in the span of 24 hours we went from debating whether they were real to Erin’s lawyers confirming it was her and saying they would prosecute anybody and everybody involved in it. What a wild ride indeed…
Now here are my thoughts on this whole thing. From the first time I saw these peephole videos I maintained that Erin Andrews was involved and I still maintain that. I mean it just seems preposterous to me to believe somebody could actually pull this off without some inside help. Plus it’s celebrity PR 101. The best way to get attention and become a huge star is to release naked shit. Whether it be a sextape or in this case peephole videos. So I don’t care whether these things have been around for 5 months or not. The bottom-line is that nobody would have known about them had it not been for ESPN sending that initial cease and desist. That’s what gave this whole movement credibility. I mean they couldn’t be that stupid to not realize what would happen once they acknowledged them to this porn site right? And it just seems weird it would happen like 3 seconds before the ESPY’s. Sort of reminds me of Matt Walsh sitting on that nonexistent Rams walkthrough tape for 5 years and then unveiling it right before the Superbowl. And what’s up with Erin Andrews confirming that it was her so quickly? Again if she just denied it I don’t think people would have ever believed it was her. But instead it was almost like they couldn’t admit it fast enough. Just seems really strange if you ask me. It’s almost like this is the perfect set up for her. She gets to keep her prim and proper image while at the same time letting everybody see that she’s an absolute smokeshow. Perfect pussy. Loves checking out her ass. Great tits, the works… All while still being able to deny she wanted to be a slut in public. It’s fucking brilliant. So there is nobody in the world who is going to convince me she wasn’t in on this at some level.
But let’s suspend belief for a minute and say she had nothing to do with this. I’m still sort of amazed by what seems to be the blogging communities suddenly holier than thou attitude. I mean sites like Deadspin are making this seem like the worst thing to happen since 9/11. Like everybody who watched these and made crude comments are traitors to this country. Give me a fucking break. Listen let’s not pretend that blogs are anything more than what they are , which is a fan’s view on sports and the world. Listen would I plant a camera in somebody’s hotel room and spy on them naked while their checking out their ass? No. But if you ask me whether I’m happy somebody did it or whether I wish I never saw this, I’d look at you like you had 38 heads. Of course I want to see Erin Andrews naked! I don’t care that they may have been obtained illegally. I’m glad this creep show did what he did. Shoot me. I’m fucking human. And I’m assuming everybody with a dick feels the same way. It doesn’t matter whether it’s Erin Andres, Megan Fox or Bar Rafaeli we’re talking about.. If somebody can get naked videos of them then I say godspeed. And more importantly it’s my job as a blogger to show these videos as best I can without getting sued. So if that means updating the links with the new websites that put up the videos as others take them down then so be it. I don’t make up the news I just report on it. And Erin Andrews walking around with a bald pussy, repeatedly checking out her ass is big time news where I come from. So Deadspin and everybody else who suddenly have a conscience can calm down. We didn’t make the videos. We didn’t break the law. But wanting to see them and commenting on them doesn’t make you a scumbag. It makes you a man. (As a side note, I have all the videos but already got a cease and desist so I can’t post them)
PS - Maybe I could understand this mock outrage if Erin Andrews looked like garbage and the videos somehow tarnished her image and career. But if anything these just add to her legend. You can’t pay for this type of positive publicity in Hollywood. Because regardless of whether or not she knew about it, I think everybody can agree she looks better naked than anybody could have ever imagined. So worse things in life can happen than showing the world that you are a perfect feminine specimen. Was it an invasion of privacy? Absolutely. Should people be ashamed or embarrassed for watching, talking or enjoying these videos? Not in a million years.
7. So do people want to keep saying golfers are real athletes? Or that Tiger Woods should be in the discussion for best athletes in the world? Because the fact that a dead guy almost won the British Open should shut everybody up once and for all. Listen I love golf. And I was rooting for Tom Watson, but let’s cut the shit. It is physically impossible for a 59 year old dude to legitimately compete for a world championship in anything that takes real athletic ability. That’s not open for debate. That’s just a statement of fact. Old people are old for a reason. I mean what other “sport” could this happen in besides maybe poker, chess, board games, bowling or Nascar? And that’s why people who call golfers great athletes are fools. Sure they have a great skill but golf is more a hobby than a sport and goes back to my original definition of what a great athlete is all about. If you were picking a team at recess and didn’t know what sport you were playing who would you pick? It sure as hell wouldn’t be Tom Watson or any golfer for that matter. Was this a great story? Yes. Does it prove once and for all that golfers aren’t real athletes. 100%.
8. (CNN) — Frank Hatley spent the past year in jail for being a deadbeat dad. But there’s one problem — Hatley doesn’t have any children. Hatley was released from the Cook County Jail in south Georgia Wednesday afternoon, with the help of the Southern Center for Human Rights. The story dates back to 1986, when Hatley had a relationship with Essie Lee Morrison. She became pregnant and gave birth to a son. Morrison told Hatley that the child was his, but the couple ended their relationship shortly after the boy’s birth, according to court documents. When the boy turned 2, Morrison applied for public support for her son. For 13 years, Hatley made payments to the state until learning, in 2000, that the boy might not be his biological son. A DNA test that year confirmed that there was no chance he was the father, according to court documents. Hatley returned to court and was relieved of any future child support reimbursement but was ordered to pay more than $16,000 that he had owed the state before the ruling. Court documents show that Hatley for the most part continued to make payments. He was jailed for six months in 2006 for falling behind on payments during a period of unemployment, but afterward he resumed making payments and continued to do so even after he lost another job in 2008 and became homeless, court records state. Last year, he again became unable to maintain the payments and was once again jailed.
Holy fuck! Am I awake or am I dreaming right now? I mean how could this even be a real headline? “Childless man free after serving time for child support violation”? I would have said it was impossible if I didn’t read it with my own two eyes. Sure it’s easy to feel bad for this sucker, but how did he let this happen in the first place? Listen I don’t care if the First Lady gets pregnant on our honeymoon and I actually see my littler sperm dude swim into her egg or whatever the fuck they call it. I’m still dragging her on Maury Povich just to be safe. No fucking way I’m paying a nickel for some kid that ain’t mine. Although I will admit that this is the most fucked up law I’ve ever heard of in my life. If a bitch lies and tells you that you’re the dad and you say okay you’re stuck for a set period of time regardless if they find out it’s not yours. Pretty sure Thomas Jefferson is puking his brains out right now in heaven right now.
PS - This guy must have been picked on like a motherfucker in jail huh? “Hey what are you in here for? “Stopped making child support payments on some other dudes kid” I mean if that doesn’t make you somebody’s bitch in the clink then nothing does.
9. Boston.com - I’ve concluded there’s one outlet that should be abandoned: those comment forums at the end of articles on newspaper websites. I realize these forums have their advocates. Publishers apparently believe forums help drive people to their website and provide opportunity for interactive exchanges of ideas, comments, corrections, and expansion of debate and topics. Instead, these forums are insidiously contributing to the devaluation of journalism, blurring the truth, confusing the issues, and diminishing serious discourse beyond even talk radio’s worst examples. My problems with these forums can be boiled down to three peeves: The level of commentary demeans and devalues the very product newspapers should be promoting; sniping, misinformation, and insensitivity that would not be tolerated in the newspaper that hosts the forums are regularly posted, seemingly encouraged, and even granted an aura of legitimacy from the association with the host’s brand; they create a self-perpetuating cycle in which anonymous, unverified information creeps into legitimate news coverage in ways that haven’t been fully vetted. By the way, don’t bother posting any comments directed to me when this article appears on the Web. I won’t see them. Instead, go start your own website or blog or buy a legitimate newspaper, or write a letter to the editor, or an op-ed (and sign your own name to it). If you really have something interesting to say, I’ll find you.
I’m not going to lie. I kind of like this guy. Anyway this article got me to thinking on why I allow comments on Barstool Sports in the first place. Because truth be told I’d say 78% of our commenter’s are total assholes. They never have anything remotely interesting to say. Every post is about how I suck or how I’m gay and how the Stool sucks blah, blah, blah. It’s old and boring. And then of course we have our racists and people who bash local girls that I have to waste my time banning. So again why do I allow it? Well the answer is pretty simple. I like reading the other 22% of people who aren’t jerks. I like hearing what they have to say about a story. Lots of times they make better jokes than I do. So I guess for the same reason people like reading the Stool, I like reading the comment section. It’s entertaining. It has nothing to do with getting more readers or clicks or anything like that. I mean what do we have 100 people who leave comments total? That’s nothing. Our traffic wouldn’t change at all if I suddenly decided to shut the comment section. But I like talking shit. I like getting in the mix. And the comment section is the best way to do that. Now if I could just murder all asshole commenters then we’d really have something. But life’s not perfect and neither is the comment section.
10. MILTON - An alleged bank robbery went awry in Milton on Wednesday when the suspect crashed his Vespa while fleeing the scene. Now, police say the man’s t-shirt may link him to another robbery earlier this month. FOX25 cameras were there for the arrest, and showed Donovan wearing the same t-shirt as a man seen robbing a Citizen’s Bank inside of a Quincy Stop & Shop two weeks ago. The shirt reads, “Mullet Removal Team.” Police said on Wednesday Donovan walked into a Citizen’s Bank on Granite Avenue at about 9:40 a.m. and handed a note that said, “Give me the money. No dye pack or I shoot.” He was handed an undisclosed amount of money with a dye pack that exploded on his way out the door. He then fled on his Vespa, going the wrong way on Granite Avenue, police said. Police say Donovan has a lengthy criminal record. They have not charged him with the robbery inside of Stop & Shop on July 3, but they say he is a suspect.
People think it’s easy being a bank robber? I mean what part of don’t give me a dye pack didn’t this bank teller understand? No wonder he drove the wrong way on his Vespa and then crashed. Guy was probably rattled to shit. It’s not even about the money. Dude’s “Mullet Removal Team” shirt probably got ruined for life when the money exploded all over him. That shit doesn’t come out. So I’d lose my composure too.
PS - Good to see the police taking their time before charging him with the other robbery. You don’t want to jump to any conclusions here. I mean even though it’s the same dude in both photos wearing the same shirt, he did have different facial hair. I’m sure they’ll connect the dots eventually.
11. MANCHESTER, N.H.—A New Hampshire man says he swiped his debit card at a gas station to buy a pack of cigarettes and was charged over 23 quadrillion dollars. Josh Muszynski (Moo-SIN’-ski) checked his account online a few hours later and saw the 17-digit number — a stunning $23,148,855,308,184,500 (twenty-three quadrillion, one hundred forty-eight trillion, eight hundred fifty-five billion, three hundred eight million, one hundred eighty-four thousand, five hundred dollars). Muszynski says he spent two hours on the phone with Bank of America trying to sort out the string of numbers and the $15 overdraft fee. The bank corrected the error the next day. Bank of America tells WMUR-TV only the card issuer, Visa, could answer questions. Visa, in turn, referred questions to the bank.
Well I find it strange, yet somehow extremely believable, that it took Bank of America 2 hours to figure this out over the phone. Remember the fat woman in the Michael Jackson tree stump video from earlier? Those are the people they have working the phones. Completely not kidding. “Okay sir, can you spell quadrillion for me please?” I mean what was she asking him? Either way, if the kid didn’t smoke, none of this would’ve happened. Therein lies the lesson of the day.
12. Do I need an agent? Everybody is probably cracking up right now but I think I’m serious. I think I need a fucking agent or something. How else can you explain that neither WBCN/The Sports Hub or WEEI have called me yet? Listen I don’t care if I talk like Mayor Menino. I don’t care whether I’m the biggest asshole on the planet. There is a sports talk radio war brewing in Boston and arguably the biggest free agent on the market is just sitting here with my dick in my hands. I know all the haters are going to tell me to get over myself and that’s cool. But facts are facts. WEEI and The Sports Hub are about to fight tooth and nail over the 18-35 male demographic. Well guess what? The Stool has a death grip on this demo. You’d think that somebody would at least inquire whether I had any interest in trying to shift the balance of power or at least figuring out whether I was any good at radio. But nothing. Just silence. Listen it’s not me who should be insulted. It’s all the great Stoolies across this land of ours who are being told your voice doesn’t matter.
13. (July 13) - More than 300 swimmers attempted to dive into the record books by going buff in a giant swimming pool over the weekend at a nudist resort in Hampton, Va. Participants sought to be a part of “The Largest Skinny Dip Across North America” at the White Tail resort. It was one of several simultaneous events staged across the U.S. and Canada by the American Association of Nude Recreation, reported the Virginian-Pilot. “They’re so excited to be part of this Guinness world record,” Kim Winkler, the marketing director for White Tail Resort, told the newspaper. In all, 317 people took part. The results were forwarded to the Guinness Book, which is creating a new category for the largest number of people skinny-dipping at once.
Well whoopedoo! You broke a world record that didn’t exist before. Seriously cut the shit. Do me a favor and call me when you break an existing record and then maybe I’ll say congratulations. But until then shut the fuck up. Anybody can set nonexistent records. I mean I just stuffed 14 Cheez Its in my mouth while writing this blog and took a picture of it. Nobody’s ever done that before but you don’t see me calling Guinness do you? Plus everybody knows that ugly people and old people don’t count as real human beings. So maybe there were 3 people tops in the pool that counted. Certainly not a new world record.
14. NYPOST - Former New Jersey Net star Richard Jefferson bailed on his stunning fiancée — pulling the plug on his posh Manhattan wedding at the 11th hour without even alerting some of the guests, The Post has learned. The cold-footed forward’s decision to ditch onetime Net dancer Kesha Ni’Cole Nichols was so last-minute that some of his oblivious friends had already shown up last Saturday at the swank Mandarin Oriental in Columbus Circle for the $2 million wedding that never happened. Jefferson — who was traded in June to the San Antonio Spurs — dumped Nichols just before the weekend, according to sources. She immediately called her family and friends to say the ceremony was off. But Jefferson waited much longer, his friends told The Post. “He called about two hours before the wedding. It was nuts,” said one Jefferson pal. He never showed up at the hotel, but “all his boys were there,” the friend said. “He gave his best friend the Black Amex [credit card] for the night.” Nichols did check in to the hotel on what was to have been her wedding day, and was upgraded to a suite on the 45th floor with a king-sized bed and a Central Park view, according to a source at the Mandarin. The would-be bride was stunned, but “not entirely caught off-guard,” by Jefferson’s unsportsmanlike conduct, according to a family friend. “She just wants to keep this as quiet as possible and move on. She’s doing just fine,” a Nichols family insider said.
Obviously Kesha wasn’t totally caught off guard. I mean how could you be? After all everybody knows that’s the risk you run when you try to marry a gay dude. I mean Richard Jefferson is gay right? Or at the very least bi-sexual? Either way I’ll give this bitch credit. She’s got some brass balls for still showing up at the hotel. I bet she fucked the shit out of every single one of Jefferson’s buddies on his black card that night. I know that’s what I’d do if the First Lady stood me up at the alter. The best revenge for getting dumped is always to bang the dumper’s friends.
PS - Nice job keeping this quiet. Outside the NY Post doing a story on it that is.
15. Wicked Local - Boxford and state police rounded up more than 60 teens following the bust of a large house party Sunday night and Monday morning on Herrick Road. The incident is considered the largest illegal house party Boxford has seen in recent history, according to local police. A sign advertising a 50th birthday party outside of 24 Herrick Road didn’t fool police when they stopped by to follow up on a noise complaint around 11 p.m. “There was no 50th birthday. There was an underage drinking party,” said Boxford Police Chief Gordon Russell. “A good number tried to avoid us by running helter-skelter…running into the woods, hiding behind trees, hiding behind stone walls.” By 8 a.m. Monday, state and local police had picked up and issued summonses to 62 individuals for underage drinking, all between 16 and 20 years of age. Russell said he believes they found all of the individuals that attended the house party. That is the largest we have ever had…in my 39 years here,” said Russell. Russell said the incident required the use of Boxford patrolmen and a lieutenant, state police officers and several troopers, a state police helicopter, and three state police canine units. “The thing that irked me was, number one, that it happened and, number two, that it was such a magnitude that it took away everything else from the entire town,” said Russell.Boxford police are still investigating how the underage group obtained the alcohol. Russell said he does not believe drugs were involved with the party. While no one was injured in the incident, Russell said that the recent rain ensured that most that fled into the wetland-heavy woods got their share of mosquito bites and ticks. “It [the rain] turned this area into a semi-tropical rain forest,” said Russell. Riter said the large group of underage partiers started a mad rush into the woods, tripping over each other and falling in the pool in an attempt to escape. “It was like nothing I’d ever seen before,” said Riter.
60 underage kids were caught drinking and then ran into the woods when the cops showed up? Holy Shit! I’ve never heard of that happening before! Seriously half the time I was reading this I couldn’t tell whether the Boxford police chief was talking about Vietnam or a High School party. Talk about a drama queen huh? I mean did he really need to bring in the police dogs and the state helicopters? He’s making it sound like he broke up Woodstock or something. And the cu de grace is his duel claim that nobody was using any drugs and that he caught all 62 people at the party. Hey if that’s true the CIA should send this guy after Osama Bin Laden because that would be a walk in the park compared to this feat.
PS - Who’d these kids think they were dealing with bringing that “Happy 50th Birthday Frank” sign? You better leave that JV shit at home when dealing Police Chief Gordon Russell. He eats that crap for breakfast.
16. July 4th 1776. The Emancipation Proclamation. VJ Day in Japan. All great days in American History and now you can add July 7th 2009 to the list. Because that’s the day the Astrovan was rescued! Yup just a couple hours ago I got off the phone with the Boston Police Department who had informed me they had found my Astrovan. I did my best to keep my composure and not burst into tears upon hearing the news. I begged them to let me speak to her but apparently she was asleep in a tow lot on Blue Hill Ave in Mattapan. Who would have ever guessed she’s end up there? Anyway after hanging up the phone I rushed to go see her. Sure it was a little strange at first and not just because I was the only white dude on Blue Hill Ave. She just looked different to me. The gas tank was on empty. The key to the ignition doesn’t work anymore. You have to turn the engine on using the seat belt. (not kidding) She bucks wildly when you put her in reverse and you can tell she doesn’t like to have her steering wheel touched a certain way. But I guess it’s all to be expected after going through an ordeal like this. It’s going to take alot of getting used to on both of our parts again. I’m not sure when we’ll she’ll be ready to do the paper route again, but I’m not going to rush her. I’m just going to let her sit in the parking lot and soak up some rays and relax for a couple weeks. After all she’s given me it’s the least I can do.
PS - What are the odds the Astro gets stolen again tonight? Keep in mind the front door is broken and you can start it using the seatbelt now. In fact a part of me thinks the only reason the thieves let it be found was so I’d fill it with a tank of gas which I did and then they’ll just come take it again without even so much as saying thank you. That would kind of suck.
17. COLUMBIA, Tenn. - A judge has sentenced a Columbia woman to 18 months in jail in the death of her husband during a sex game. Rebecca Bargy, who is 26, was sentenced Monday in the death of her 29-year-old husband James Bargy in April 2008, according to The Daily Herald of Columbia. Rebecca Bargy was convicted May 20 of negligent homicide - a lesser charge than the second-degree murder indictment against her. She was accused of tying up and gagging her husband as part of a bondage fantasy and leaving him alone in their mobile home for 20 hours while she was with another man she had met on the Internet.
Wait a minute. The sex game consisted of the dude getting tied up and left alone for 20 hours while the wife goes and fucks somebody she met on Adult Friend Finder? Call me crazy, but that doesn’t sound like a very fun game to me. Does that mean I’m a prude? Seriously Rebecca Bargy must have the best fucking lawyer in the world. I mean how do you only get 18 months in jail for this? The only explanation is that the jury didn’t realize the guy died. Then it would make sense.
18. USA Today -”I can understand people being disappointed with A-Rod and Manny,” Pujols says of the New York Yankees’ Alex Rodriguez and the Los Angeles Dodgers’ Manny Ramirez, who have been ensnared in performance-enhancing drug controversies this year. “But just because Manny made a mistake, now I have to pay? Just because A-Rod made a mistake, now I have to pay? Oh, guilt by association? That’s wrong. “For people to be suspicious of me because of the year I’m having and for people to say I just haven’t been caught, that makes me angry and disappointed. “I would never do any of that crap. You think I’m going to ruin my relationship with God just because I want to get better in this game? You think I’m going to ruin everything because of steroids?” “I can understand why people don’t know who they can trust or their hero was caught,” says Pujols, who has finished first or second in the National League MVP balloting in five of his eight seasons, with numbers remaining consistent before and since steroid testing began in 2003. “I want to be the guy people look up to. But I want to be the person who represents God, represents my family and represents the Cardinals the right way. “So many people can’t wait until I do something negative. I can’t understand it. That’s sad, because I want to be that poster boy in baseball. Just give me the chance.” Pujols, who has three children with his wife, Deidre, and another baby on the way, goes to great lengths to maintain his untarnished image and uphold his deep religious beliefs. He doesn’t drink or smoke. He doesn’t have a tattoo or wear earrings. He doesn’t go to bars, nightclubs or any place where his character could be assaulted. “If we’re in a hotel and a woman gets on the elevator by herself, I’ll wait for the next one,” Pujols says. “People have their agenda. You have to be careful who you can trust.
Listen I have nothing against Albert Pujols. I really don’t. But dude shut the fuck up. How many times do we have to do this same fucking song and dance? Obviously you’re cheating! And not only in baseball, but on your wife too. You know it. I know it. Everybody fucking knows it. Listen, I ain’t mad at you. I’d do the same thing if I were in your shoes. But how fucking how stupid do you think we are? I mean it’s bad enough to say you’re clean, but then to have the audacity to say that if there is a hot chick in the elevator you won’t get in it with her. Please. I can’t take it anymore. That’s like saying if you walked down the street and saw a 100 dollar bill on the ground you wouldn’t pick it up because it’s not yours. When will these idiots learn? Nobody cares about cheating. Fans get more upset about getting lied to like this. Yeah I know Pujols has never been caught. Big deal. Nobody puts up numbers like him naturally. Nobody. And last time I checked MLB still didn’t test for HGH. That’s my favorite part of every steroid discussion. “Well he hasn’t been caught for steroids so he must not be cheating blah, blah, blah.” Ok but nobody ever mentions the giant pink elephant in the room. MLB still can’t test blood! It’s like we live in a bizarro world or something.
19. Daily Mail - By the time my husband had been dead for 13 months, I had slept with 27 men. Because sex I can do: at sex I’m a pro. Whether right or wrong, I was having sex just three months after he died. It might not have been good sex, but it was safe sex. …To whichever man shared my bed that evening I was nothing more than a female anatomy. And that was just fine with me… After Eoghan died, I was sure I’d never be with another man. But, you can’t predict how you react to a tragedy… I thought, I can do ‘grief ‘, this isn’t so bad. I figured I must be strong, as I could still function and go on as normal.
You know, wherever I go, people stop me on the streets and say “Gee, Jer. I love reading Barstool and all. But how come you guys never focus on the positive stories?” Well here you go. I don’t think you’ll ever come across a more positive, uplifting and life-affirming story than this. Cruel fate handed Amy Molloy a tragedy, and she triumphed over it. She could’ve honored her husband’s memory by staying home and quietly mourning. But instead she put down the wedding album, took off the black veil and went out and banged 27 different strangers. I think we can all agree that that’s the way poor Eoghan would’ve wanted it. Because there’s no sense in hanging on to the past when you’ve got a perfectly good vagina that can be used to go out and spread joy and orgasms throughout the world. This is a true example of how love… love of penises… can win out over adversity. Suffice to say I’m looking forward to the movie version of Amy’s story on the Hallmark Channel.
20. So I bought UFC 100 for 45 bucks last Saturday Night. Why? Two words. Brock Lesnar. Sure I was kind of interested in watching Dan Henderson vs. Michael Bisbane because of the Ultimate fighter thing, but Lesnar was the reason I paid for the pay per view. And for the most part he didn’t disappoint. Not only did he demolish Frank Mir, but then he taunted his ass after it was over, taunted the crowd for booing him with a double bird salute, taunted Bud Light who was the title sponsor of UFC 100 and then he finished his post fight rant by saying he was going to fuck his wife Sable. It had all the pomp and pageantry I look for in a big fight. It’s also exactly why I think Brock Lesner is the best thing that’s ever happened to the UFC. Listen, I don’t care how good George St. Pierre is, there is no way I’m shelling out 50 bucks to watch some guy grapple for 5 rounds. And to be honest I don’t think I’ll ever like MMA as much as boxing because I’d rather watch guys throw punches on their feet rather than wrestle. But fighting is only as good as the personalities in it and right now Brock Lesnar is at the top of the list for me in both boxing or MMA. That’s why I find it so strange that most hardcore UFC fans hate him. Is it just because he’s brand new to the sport and already the best guy in it? Get over yourselves. Guys like Lesnar are exactly what’s needed to take UFC to the next level. Guys who are known beyond just MMA circles and unlike Chuck Lidell actually wins and can create his own hype. In fact I don’t think it’s a stretch to say when it’s all said and done Brock Lesner will be the most famous and influential MMA guy of all time and the reason it gets mainstream acceptance.
PS - Do you think Dana White had to give Bud Light a refund after the fight? I mean I can’t imagine how much it cost for Bud to sponsor UFC 100 only to have Brock shit on them after it was over like that. And the post fight press conference only made it worse. I actually starting feeling bad for that Bud Light bottle that Brock was holding if that’s possible. It reminded me of a pathetic little kid that your parents made you hang out with so you wouldn’t hurt their feelings. Something tells me that was the message they were trying to send. That’s why they Bud should only advertise with the Stool. I’d stab Manzo in the heart if he ever embarrassed me in front of an advertiser like this.
21. Boston.com - Sports Illustrated editor and writer for high school sports Kevin Armstrong said he chose Newton South High School as the top athletics program in the state for its running program’s achievements and consistency. “Obviously, [South’s] track program, as well as cross country, were excellent,” said Armstrong.” The recognition came as a surprise for some, as Newton South did not field particularly noteworthy teams in the big three high school sports: baseball, football, and basketball. Baseball went 9-11 this year, football 4-7, and boys basketball just managed to finish above .500 at 10-9. ‘Armstrong grew up in Nanuet, N.Y. and went to high school in New Jersey. He graduated from Boston College in 2006 where he covered sports for the college’s newspaper, The Heights,.
As I was reading this I kept shaking my head in disbelief wondering how it was possible that an article as utterly idiotic as this could exist. I even glanced over my shoulder a couple times to make sure I wasn’t on Candid Camera or something. But then at the end you find out the kid who wrote it went to BC and suddenly it all makes sense. Because only a Superfan who was stuffed in lockers his entire life could come up with something this outrageous. I mean I’m not even sure I should dignify this with a response? I guess I’ll just leave it at this. If any football, basketball or baseball team in the state trained for 2 weeks they’d smash Newton South’s track team to smithereens. After all it’s a known fact that the only people who run cross country and play volleyball in high school are the kids who can’t make the team on real sports. So if this jackass wants to crown Newton South then crown them. But if I were this kids boss at Sports Illustrated I’d fire him so fast it would make your head spin for effectively flushing all of their street credibility down the drain for the next 100 years.
PS - Twerps like this are the exact reason Lance Armstrong and swimmers and joke sports get so much hype. Because very few good athletes end up being journalists. It’s all the guys who weren’t good enough to play a real sport in high school so they run track and join the cable club or the school newspaper and build up their resumes while everybody else is practicing. Then they go to college and are in the loser crowd and keep building their resumes while everybody else is partying. Naturally they end up getting the jobs at SI and ESPN etc and hold grudges the rest of their lives against the “jocks” and say bike riders and water polo players are the best athletes in the world because that’s what they and their buddies did. I wish I was joking, but I’m not.
22. Times - A Spaniard was killed and a British man injured today at the San Fermin Running of the Bulls festival in Spain, the event’s first fatality in 14 years. The rampaging bull punctured the neck and left lung of Daniel Jimeno Romero, 27, who died in hospital. A half-tonne bull called Capuchino turned on runners after being separated from the other bulls as they charged along a half-mile course through the streets of Pamplona. When Capuchino turned on the runners, he tossed one man up in the air on his horns like a rag doll. As the victim fell to ground, the bull tried to gore him until he was pulled away by herders.
Finally! I feel like I’m been waiting forever for the Bulls to get on the scoreboard. It’s been 14 long, hard years since somebody got gored to death. I was beginning to wonder whether maybe the Bulls were cursed or something. I mean we’ve had so many close calls without finishing the deal. But just when I was about to give up all hope, Capuchino stepped forward like a conquering hero forever cementing his name in Running of the Bull lore. I just hope that this victory will light a fire under the bulls asses and spark a decade of domination much like we’ve seen here in Boston. After all everybody knows winning is contagious.
23. Chron - A woman accused in the shooting death of her common-law husband told police her gun accidentally fired while they were playing a game of “dirty cowboy” during sexual foreplay. A Harris County prosecutor said. Parker is accused of recklessly causing the death of her longtime companion, Broderick Craig Crachian, 58, at the couple’s apartment in the 2700 block of Lorraine on June 30. Parker made a statement that she accidentally shot Crachian during sexual foreplay, said prosecutor Marcy McCorvey. “She describes it as playing ‘dirty cowboy,’ ” McCorvey said. “She did admit to being in possession of the handgun and using it as a toy during foreplay with the victim’s acquiescence and request for it to be used in that manner.”
Hmm, I want to believe that this was just an innocent mistake while playing Dirty Cowboy. I really do. But unfortunately the facts just don’t add up. Because according to Websters/Urban Dictionary there are 3 known definitions of Dirty Cowboy. Here they are:
1. Dirty Cowboy
When a male is chewing tobacco and spits the tobacco juice between a females tits and then begins to tit fuck her. The male then cums on her face, after orgasm the male then spits his tobacco juices on her face.
2.Dirty Cowboy
put both hands in the form of a gun and put both index fingers in the butthole and vagina and alternate between the two repetitivly
3.Dirty Cowboy
Cowboy chases his Cowgirl around the house backwards with his hairy ass yelling Dirty Cowboy. While inside your house, a cowboy (with hat on) unexpectedly yells Dirty Cowboy and walks/runs backwards with his pants down. Chasing her with his hairy ass, while she screams and runs away. The Dirty Cowboy must corner the Cowgirl (kitchen is good place)and rub his hairy ass on her as she screams. Some Dirty Cowboys like to yell, ‘can you smell that’ or ‘did you hear that’, but that is optional. Beware of the wet finger!
So as you can plainly see none of them involve a real gun. But let’s even go a step further and give Miss Parker the benefit of the doubt and say that they were doing the 2nd definition of Dirty Cowboy and substituted a real gun instead of using their hands. This still makes no sense because the guy would have been the one holding the pistol and ramming it in the chick’s butthole and vagina repetitively. So if anybody would have been shot it would have been her in the ass. Bottom-line is the Dirty Cowboy excuse just doesn’t stick. I guess we’ll just have to chalk it up to another person falling victim to Urban Dictionary and once again proving there is no such thing as a perfect crime.