Jerry's Famous Kneejerk Reactions To Week 3 Vs. Atlanta
Things to consider while hoping the Krafts sit the Bradys and Galloways at separate tables at the Super Bowl ring reception this year:
*When the game hasn’t even begun yet and you’ve already had Pam Oliver talking about Randy Moss and Joe Buck telling her “Pam, try to stay dry down there,” you know you’re in for a terrific day. What a disgusting display, Joe.
*I never thought I’d be saying this for the first time in Week 3, but the Pats had by far the better game plan. I don’t think any of us are surprised Tony Gonzalez averaged 16 yards per catch, but who in their right mind thought it would be on just one catch instead of the 8 he’s usually good for against the Pats. Since their last established Strong Safety with bona fide cover skills is currently sitting at a desk trying not to smack Bob Costas in the head, this was a result of brilliant X-ing & O-ing like we haven’t seen yet this year.
*It looked to me like the Pats contained Gonzalez with a lot of Quarter-Quarter-Half coverage where the strongside Corner drops back deep at the snap. He and the Safety on his side split the deep half into quarters, and the other Safety takes the weakside deep half. The Sam LB (Adalius Thomas) and the other Corner are responsible for the flats. That was leaving Gary Guyton and most often Pierre Woods to split the middle underneath stuff where a guy like Gonzalez has traditionally stolen the Pats lunch money.Given the inexperience on that defense, that’s just an amazing job of zone coverage.
*The Foxbot: Optimus Lame.
*I not only don’t have a problem with Brady going berserk the way he did, I relished it. It was the rational response of a sane man. How many times can he deliver a ball on the money in the Red Zone and come up emptier than the Club Seats on a rainy day? Even on the throw toward Aiken, which some will say was a “misfire,” if you’ve got a career Special Teamer and the best QB ever puts a ball somewhere, said Teamer should’ve been where that ball was. To quote said QB “How f*%#ing hard is that?!?!”
*Before the Decency Police get all up in his grill, Brady still swore less than your average “Hell’s Kitchen” promo.
*The defense came out in a 3-4 with Brandon McGowan in for James Sanders. Last week McGowan played a lot of the robber position up at the LOS but this time it was Brandon Meriweather. On the 2nd Atlanta possession, they switched to a 4-3 by adding Mike Wright, and the change caused just enough confusion on the Falcons line to let Jarvis Green and Vince Wilfork penetrate for lost yards. That’s exactly the kind of thing we were expecting to see them throw at Mark Sanchez last week, but it never happened. I guess they never got the right wrist guards back from the cleaners.
*At the beginning of the year my brother Jack was saying he’s completely not sold on Galloway and I said they didn’t need him to be spectacular. Just match Donte Stallworth’s 40 catches. (And preferably do it without killing anybody.) Now I’ve done the math. And allowing for dropped passes, ridiculous out-of -bounds in the End Zone, unforced errors and blown routes, he should make it to 40. Provided Brady throws it his way 1200 times.
*With Wes Welker out and the Pats needing Galloway to step up, this will be an interesting test of how far the patience of Bradichick will stretch. Somewhere Doug Gabriel weeps.
*I think Steve Pagliuca can win the Senate race provided word doesn’t get out about his affair with Greg Dickerson.
*And the offensive gameplan was much, much improved. The Pats were about 15 dropped passes and poorly timed throws away from this being a rout along the lines of the infamous “Poor Joe Gibbs Bowl” in ‘07.
*You can make a case that they were able to do more things because Brady had time in the pocket, but I’ll argue he had time to throw because they were doing those things. For instance they threw two screens in the first three plays, which was two more than the Jets saw. Or to put it in statistical terms, the screen quotient increased by a factor of infinity. And a couple of plays later they were able to free up Randy Moss deep by running that cross with Ben Watson, but Brady overthrew him by a step.
*Of course Bill O’Brien is still sticking by the Running Back Bullpen by Committee. But at least this time he has the excuse of… stop me if you’ve heard this before… Laurence Maroney getting hurt. But Fred Taylor more than justified the decision. I don’t think he had a single bad run in 21 carries. Even when Atlanta brought a Safety down and played eight in the box, Taylor went through them like a girls dorm goes through toilet paper.
*The name Laurence “Thighs of Glass” Maroney is not to be used in any way without the expressed, written permission of Knee Jerk Reactions.
*I counted enough Slip & Falls by the Falcons to let Jim Sokolov retire in the Caymans. Smart move by Kraft building the Field Turf out of recycled banana peels, ball bearings and Hot Wheels cars.
*From the We Can Look Back and Laugh About it Now Files: When Atlanta went into the no huddle and the Pats immediately had to burn a timeout, Belichick gave us his A+ Sgt. Hulka “But we went over this!!!” face. Classic. He looked like he was about to borrow a fistful of Mike Smith’s aspirin. Or Zoloft. But again, that stuff is only funny when you win.
*The TD run by Taylor was maybe the best executed play of the season. Just total domination by the O-line. Logan Mankins tossed Peria Jerry (Atlanta’s 1st round pick) aside while Dan Koppen and Stephen Neal blocked down on Jonathan Babineaux, with Neal bouncing off him to go to the second level and take out Curtis Lofton. Meanwhile, Mankins bounced up into the hole and annihilated Erik Coleman trying to fill. That’s two Guards throwing two blocks each on the same play, and Taylor went in untouched. It was great execution in both meanings of the word.
*Actually the Pats ran better out of multiple Tight End sets than I can remember, even when they had Kyle Brady. Michael Mathews was solid in the run game and is the early leader in the Pats annual Fred Coleman “Where The Hell Did This Guy Come From?” Cup.
*Those officials should be wearing out the rugs at the Walpole Motel 6 thanking God for instant replay. The call on that batted Matt Ryan pass was possibly the worst of all time. It was Donaghyish. If it stood, I would’ve put all my money in Blind Referee Halloween Costume Futures.
*Degrees of Atlanta Falcons awesomeness:
3rd: Sam Baker’s “Castaway” beard
2nd: Mike Smith’s ginormous 2000 Ravens Super Bowl ring he wears on the sidelines
1st: Brian VanGorder’s “Connect the Dots to a Porn Stache” Moustache.
*Within minutes of Vince Wilfork being escorted off the field, the Turnpike Authority announced it’s putting up a tollbooth on the ramp to the Pats trainer’s room.
*The incomplete pass call that got overturned was only slightly worse though than the non-call on Mike Williams when he interfered with Moss. There was more contact on that play than John Phillips had with MacKenzie when he Prima Noctae’d her before her wedding.
*If I’m Ben Watson’s agent, I’m working the phones trying to swing him an endorsement deal. “This 4th quarter pass through his hands at the 5 is our Ben Watson Visine Drop of the Week” or something.
*I like “Family Guy” as much as any man, and I’m all about celebrating diversity. But was there one person in America clamoring for Cleveland to get his own show? Who gets one next, Herbert the pervert?
*I mean, Quagmire I’d watch. He’d be bigger than “House.” And way less creepy.
*Am I overly sensitive about the nonsense that comes out of Buck’s and Troy Aikman’s mouth? Like when Aikman, whose career ended from multiple concussions complains about a ticky tack Roughing the Passer call? Or Buck criticizes the Pats for going for it on 4th & 1 and making it? What’s this “but a tense moment” stuff? From a team that picked up short yardage all day? If Mike Tomlin or Rex Ryan did the same thing, we would’ve gotten five minutes on “attitude” and “swagger.” But the Pats do it and Belichick is an eccentric madman.
*How much of the Clampett’s money did Milburn Drysdale put up to buy the Falcons, anyway?
*I pity the poor bastard who messed up around me today. “I’ve been practicing “What the f*^% was that?!?!” all morning. Who says athletes aren’t role models?