Guys You Watch the NBA With
Following in the footsteps of Guys You Watch the NFL With from back in November, this week’s article will focus on guys you watch the NBA with entitled, “Guys You Watch the NBA With”. Again, many of these people you know, many of them you don’t know, many of them might be you – or me. Who knows? Who cares! Either way, let’s begin…
Guy Who Always Tells You “What Larry Would’ve Done”
Good God, everybody knows what I mean here when I’m talking about the guy who never fails to mention “What Larry Would’ve Done”. It doesn’t matter what game you’re watching – it could be Celtics, it could be Timberwolves, it could be the WNBA - this guy is always ready to tell you what Larry Bird would’ve done in a similar situation. I do the same thing all the time during baseball except with Mattingly, so I understand where he’s coming from… Guy nails a 3 pointer with 1 second left… “Hey, great play there…” “Eh, you know what Larry would’ve done there? Larry would’ve waited 9/10ths of a second, pump-faked, THEN shot it so the other team had no time left. That’s what Larry would’ve done…” Kobe dunks it over 12 guys to win the game… “Please. Larry would’ve layed it in lefty off the backboard and drew the foul for the 3 point play. Come on dude, everybody knows that’s what Larry would’ve done…”
“You Gotta Make Your Free Throws” Guy
We all know NBA players simply do not make their free throws like they used to. However “You Gotta Make Your Free Throws” guy, for whatever reason, just hasn’t gotten the memo. He still gets pissed every time a guy bricks one at the line. “Damn it! You gotta make your free throws!” Dude, come down. Nobody makes their free throws anymore. It’s 2008. I mean yeah – you’re supposed to but that doesn’t mean anything. “You Gotta Make Your Free Throws” guy is also a big fan of saying this after missed NON-free throws as well, just to remind you how Team X hasn’t made their free throws all night. Guy bricks a layup…. “You gotta make your free throws…” Guy air balls a 6- footer… “You gotta make your free throws…” Team loses by 30… “You gotta make your free throws…” Right… that’s exactly why they lost.
Guy Who Can Name Where Every Player in the History of the NBA Went to College
Listen, there’s nothing wrong with occasionally bringing up a player and trying to name what school he went to. For example, Ewing – Georgetown. Ric Smits – Marist. Otis Thorpe – Providence, obviously. However “Guy Who Can Name Where Every Player Went to College” does this like it’s his job. He just never stops for the entire game… “And James Posey lays it up and in… XAVIER!” “Eddie House for 3….. ARIZONA STATE!” “Rebound Theo Ratliff… WYOMING!” Okay buddy, okay. What is this “Stump the Schwab” or a basketball game? “Guy Who Can Name Where Every Player Went to College” can be a very valuable resource though when watching the game, no question, but when he starts dropping names like Greg Foster (Utep), now that’s just flat-out disturbing.
“Travel Guy”
I like to think “Horse Collar guy” from “Guys You Watch the NFL With” and “Travel Guy” are the same person. For whatever reason he thinks there’s a traveling violation on every play. “Travel”. Nope. “Travel”. Nope again. A., they don’t call traveling anymore in the NBA and B., it probably wasn’t a travel anyway. “Travel”. Dude that’s not a travel! “Travel”. And yes, “His Feet Were in the Circle Guy” is a close relative of “Travel Guy” – all the man does for 48 minutes is watch the freakin’ circle underneath the basket to determine if it was a block or a charge. “Charge… feet were in the circle.” Maybe the NBA should hire this guy to sit court-side and help the refs out from the sidelines. God knows they need it…
“Blame the Refs” Guy
Now we have one of these guys in every sport – baseball, football, basketball, jai alai, no matter what game you’re watching, “Blame the Refs” guy is always there. “Aww, come on! These refs are fucking killing us!” Yeah, but you’re getting out-rebounded, out-shot, out-hustled and out-coached. However it’s the refs, yeah, that’s it, the refs, who cost your team the game. “How do they have 18 free throws and we only have 3? 3!!” Um, maybe because your team is settling for 18 foot jump shots the whole game? Ever think of that? But not “Blame the Refs” guy – it’s always the refs fault when his team loses. Granted it’s the NBA and anything is possible, and probable, but let’s relax on blaming the refs every time. I’m pretty sure that’s not what Larry would’ve done…
“Blame the Coach” Guy
The twin cousin of “Blame the Refs” guy, and another dude you find yourself watching games with in any sport really - “Blame the Coach” guy just flat-out refuses to believe his team is capable of getting beat on the floor. I’m hearing this more and more out of Celtics fans of late and really don’t understand it. Why is it always the team that gets the credit for a win, but it’s Doc Rivers who gets the blame for a loss? Is it Doc's fault Ray Allen has turned into Kendrick Perkins from the outside? Maybe that’s just the nature of being a fan, but you can’t have it both ways. Win or lose – it’s the players. It’s always the players. Plus, this is the C's first year together in the playoffs with this group. You just don’t snap your fingers, assemble a team and win a championship. Even my fantasy baseball squad had to play together for a few years before we won. Same thing for the Celtics – you have to lose together before you can win together. And to somehow blame the coach, at this point, is crazy. However don’t tell that to “Blame the Coach” guy – when his team loses, before the game or season is even over, he already knows who’s to blame.